


Snow on your soul

by Sylencia



Category: Naruto
Genre: Canon Universe, Forbidden Love, M/M, Nostalgia, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2021-01-26 09:43:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21372100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sylencia/pseuds/Sylencia
Summary: Two important moments in Tajima's life.
Relationships: Senju Butsuma/Uchiha Tajima
Comments: 9
Kudos: 38





	Snow on your soul

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Perelka_L](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Perelka_L/gifts).

> Prompted on Tumblr by Perelka
> 
> First time writing them and I had fun <3 Thanks !

It always held a strange feeling, to be watching the snow fall. Sitting there on his own, even if there was a sleeping body in the room behind him, sheltered with how the roof was going over the external corridor, the wood like ice under his bottom and hands, his eyes, red as blood, able to capture how unique each flake was before it was half melting with the rest of them already covering the gardens. Strange indeed, as if the world had stopped to move all around, as if it was only him and this other person anymore. It was, in a way. Nothing else mattered when they were together, even with how their meetings could never last.

Tajima had known, from the very beginning, that this was meant to die, someday. Feelings he never meant to develop but happened anyways, a liking he could never talk about, not even to his closest friends. These meetings forbidden by the war and it probably would be their last, considering. Tajima didn’t want that but who cared what he wanted ? Certainly not his clan head, who seemed to have considered him worthy enough to take over after him. Even Tajima had been surprised with the decision, he never was close with the man, barely respected him, he was but a bloodthirsty beast to his eyes. But who was he to go against the orders of his clan head ?

The thought made him snort at himself and he looked over his shoulder, blood colored eyes scanning over the sleeping form, that naked body only half covered on the futon.

“You are an idiot,” he told himself, even if fondly, somehow. “Such an idiot.”

He received no answer, of course. Not even a shiver from the sleeping beauty, as if he couldn’t feel the sharingan on him. As if he had began trusting him enough to not care for them. Tajima shrugged it off, looked back at the snow as it kept falling.

How this had started was almost a funny story. For he had been sent on a mission, ten years back, a scroll to retrieve in a shrine, a coded message from their spies about their enemies. And he did well ! He got the scroll, went on his way back. And was stopped by this shinobi, as young as he was, looking entirely too uncomfortable with a similar looking scroll in hand.

“I didn’t pick the right one,” the stranger kid had said and Tajima had wanted to laugh. What kind of idiot wouldn’t pick the right scroll ? Then again, he hadn’t even noticed his wasn’t the one he should have been taking back either. So he didn’t comment it. They exchanged the scrolls. Tajima peeked into his, just to be sure, recognized some of the code and, satisfied, prepared himself to leave again. There was no point in fighting that kid, even if he did read as the typical Senju with his brown hair and his tanned skin. Senjus were to be attacked on sight after all. But Tajima had been tired.

Also, the monks would have come after them for fighting on their sacred lands and would have probably imprisoned them. Which was worse than fighting a Senju, or bringing back the wrong scroll. Everybody knew the monks were to be feared. It was why many clans used them to pass messages too. Secrecy and one hell of a fighting technique.

“You’re an Uchiha, aren’t you ?”

The question had been a stupid one, Tajima always was wearing his clan emblem proudly. But it made him stop and turn back. He looked at the other kid, one eyebrow raised but didn’t say a word. Judging. And mocking, probably.

“I heard you have demon’s eyes. Is it true ?”

“What kind of question is that,” Tajima had scolded, taken aback even as he tried not to show it. 

“My brother told me so,” he had said, shrugging. “I’m off now. Don’t follow me, I’m fast.”

Tajima tried to follow him, only if for the challenge. He was outran within the first ten minutes of the chase.

They met and again, always at the same place and always, Tajima heard the dumbest questions and tried to ignore them. Until he stopped and they talked. They talked a lot and had many things to discuss, to debate. How it turned to this relationship, Tajima wasn’t sure. But it did after years of sporadic friendship and he glanced over his shoulder again, wondering why he let it happen. Because he didn’t know how it happened but he knew how it was going to end. 

There were no happy endings for this kind of relationships between Uchihas and Senjus after all.

And so Tajima focused on the snow again. Mesmerised almost, with its beauty. Not that he never saw anything beautiful before, even if the life of a shinobi was filled with more horrors than beauty but, it was so rare, to be able to stop, to get away from everything and experience such a moment. It was going to become impossible, the moment he would become clan leader himself. No one would ever respect him, if they heard about his affair with the Senju’s heir. And Tajima couldn’t begin to imagine what they’d do to him. He’d probably rather be dead than endure such a treatment.

The world wouldn’t stop for him, though. Contrary to this moment, this night with the snow falling so slowly over the country and the man sleeping behind him and the enticing warmness of the bedroom. For, naked was the other man but so was he. Goosebumps all over, shivering so hard he could barely hold it back, his skin burning with coldness and his lips drying so much they were breaking. 

The world wouldn’t stop for his death but Gods it did for his last night with the man he loved.

Tajima didn’t miss the startle of the sleeping form when he stood, entered the room again and shut the doors closed. He would be an idiot to miss it, with his Sharingan active and he took the time to warm up by the wood stove, wondering how much longer he could stay without people coming after him. Not long, surely. He had become, somehow, too precious to be on his own for so long. They never cared for it before.

“I thought I would be spending the night on my own.”

The whisper against his skin, as he finally slipped in bed, had Tajima shiver. He hadn’t expected it, convinced his lover was indeed sleeping, convinced he hadn’t woken up at all but he was an idiot, wasn’t he ? And he shivered again when lips followed the line of his shoulder, and he didn’t resist as he was being pushed on his back, a heavy body soon on top of his, beautiful brown hair cascading around his head as a curtain against the rest of the world.

“You are freezing,” Butsuma murmured, lips pushed against his jaw and fingers wrapped around his hair. “Are you trying to kill yourself with pneumonia ?”

“What if I am ?” Tajima couldn’t help answering, uncaring. Being sick would be a good excuse to not travel back after all.

“You are an idiot indeed, then.”

Tajima rolled his eyes. Of course, the other had heard him say this as well.

“We’ve discussed it already,” Butsuma was quick to add, caressing his hair, pushing kisses against his face again. “We will manage. Somehow. Even if it takes time, even if we stay apart for a long time. We will come back to each other, eventually and then, peace will be achieved and we will live this again.”

Tajima didn’t answer. Because Senjus always were hopeful to a fault or so he had learned by Butsuma’s side. Making up big plans, utopias that couldn’t exist in this world, and believing in them to the core, so hard they were willing to go through the worst in order to make them happen. He had seen this in his lover, when he spoke of peace, of how easy it would be to force it, to take down the ones who wouldn’t agree with him. Part of Tajima feared that man, that side of the man he loved, he feared to witness what Butsuma was willing to do for his ideas, was he given the chance, or, worse, forced to go to such length. But he shared part of this passion as well, part of this fire was burning down his guts and he wanted to believe in the words. Even with how impossible they were.

The snow continued to fall on the country. Tajima wondered if the world wasn’t mourning them, somehow.

* * *

The air was cold and the snow heavy. The country covered in a white mantle, the winter going on and on, unending and harsh for these who didn’t prepare well enough. The Uchihas were well stocked, they bought to last for a long time. The season was successful for them, as they received many missions and their popularity grew. It never was so good before, especially not with their former clan head and Tajima made sure to be a good leader for his men. To love his wife, even if probably not as much as he should have. To love his children and mourn these who died at the hand of their enemies.

Two remained, only, and he cared for them deeply. Madara as he was sitting by his side, in the outside corridor of their house, dozing off with his head slowly falling to the side, almost on his shoulder now, their conversation forgotten. Gods, he was always so exhausted, the dark circles under his eyes matching his, too much responsibilities on his shoulders already and he wasn’t even clan head yet. Izuna off to train or so he said but Tajima knew better. His youngest had taken the habit to leave the compound and be gone for entire days as a time. A pattern Tajima was familiar with as he did so himself before. But he doubted Izuna was meeting with someone. Or so he did and Tajima would have to know who that person was. Not that it mattered. Izuna was almost an adult by now. He could make his own choices of life.

It was a peaceful evening, truly. Tajima watching the snow fall, reminiscing old memories as he always did in such moments, taking advantage of the fact no one could see him, to smile to himself, once in a while.

For, despite whatever had happened ever since that last night by Butsuma’s side, his feelings didn’t really changed. Shameful he was of them, once upon a time but Tajima, with the years, learned to accept them, to allow them in. He had been in love with Butsuma and remained so for all these years. Of course he loved his wife but he would never love her the way he did Butsuma. The guilt used to be unbearable. Now he embraced it all.

But Tajima wasn’t a fool. For, as a part of him had been scared of the man, back then, he now entirely was, somehow. And yes, he did face him but Butsuma’s words had become .. strange, even to him. With years, they became brash and violent. Like he had forgotten everything they lived together, like they never shared a bed. And it hurt, in a way, to realize that maybe these feelings weren’t shared anymore. But, again, two decades and a half had passed, ever since their last meeting and Tajima couldn’t blame Butsuma for breaking their bond. Or could he ?

Madara’s head finally touched his shoulder and Tajima smiled, kissing the top of his son’s head.

And so the world had moved on, he thought almost bitterly. Without him as he remained stuck in a past that couldn’t be again, despite Butsuma’s words. He believed in them, he truly did. An Uchiha’s greatest bane was Love after all, wasn’t he ? It always was, and always would be and, Tajima thought as he looked down at his son, he probably wouldn’t differ from it the most. Madara was a passionate man. Be the Gods merciful with him, when he would experience this feeling.

Tajima moved on with the world. He did in a way, even if his feelings remained, even if he could never ignore them but he moved on and lived happily, which he couldn’t deny nor ignored. Even if a small part of his heart continued to hope, even if, if Butsuma ever hinted the man he used to love still was there, Tajima wouldn’t hesitate a second. He’d go back to this man, he would make it possible for them to be together. He had become powerful enough now, after all, he won enough battles for his clan to follow him and fight the harshest ones by his side. They would continue to follow, did he make peace with the Senjus and decided to reveal his old feelings to them. Tajima knew it. Or, at least, they feared him enough not to go against him if he did.

The only thing stopping him was the uncertainty. The impossibility to know if Butsuma would ever follow him. If he would ever do so as well, now he too was clan leader. Senjus didn’t understand Love the way Uchihas did, after all. They didn’t respect it the same either.

The snow, though. The snow was beautiful and Tajima wished he could have watched it fall forever. With his son’s head on the shoulder, listening to his soft breathing, a reassurance, a sound he loved so much, living in the moment. The cold biting his skin despite his thick layers of clothing, his lips splitting up. But, just as every other good moment in his life, Tajima knew this one wasn’t meant to last, he knew it was to end soon and he closed his eyes, making the best of these last seconds as the air was shifting around them and Madara was stirring awake, disturbed as well, so sensitive he was.

One of his men appeared in front of them. Bowing as he should when facing his clan leader and his heir, head low. It allowed Madara to straighten, to make himself appear proper again. Tajima barely held back his smile.

“I apologize for my rudeness, Sir, but I have news to deliver.”

Tajima didn’t answer, waiting. Madara finished to wake up.

“Senju Butsuma has been killed on the battlefield. Senju Hashirama is to become clan leader after their mourning period is finished.”

Silence fell again, Tajima ignored the pang in his chest, how his heart broke, even if a little. Madara looked at him, trying to understand his silence. But he looked away again when Tajima spoke.

“So be it.”

The snow continued to fall, fluffy flakes covering the region heavily. The world didn’t stop around them. Tajima leaned back, when his man was gone again. Memories flooding his brain to an overwhelming degree. The man he loved now gone forever.


End file.
